remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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