Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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