I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
