What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
