Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
