Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
