Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think your dad took our porno
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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