well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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