He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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