Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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