so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
