I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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