i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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