he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
