I think I am morally bankrupt
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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