Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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