No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
