Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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