Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
