I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
