Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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