Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
