is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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