what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
