I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
