he puts the penis in happiness.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Your penis caused this!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
