What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
