paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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