I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
