from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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