i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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