look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
