It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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