I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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