Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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