He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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