I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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