Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
