Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
two words...techno handjob
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
