The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
