I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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