she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
