Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
