He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
