new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
