I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Randomize
