ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
