I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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