Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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