I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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