I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
